


Padagedon

by Lady_Nightshade



Series: Just Another Day in the Tower [3]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky isn't bothered by nothin', Clint travels by vent, Crack, Gen, adjusting to life after the big freeze, electronic tablets cry when they see Natasha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-13
Updated: 2014-11-13
Packaged: 2018-02-25 06:32:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2611868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Nightshade/pseuds/Lady_Nightshade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve is having problems adjusting to the digital age.  Tony thinks he has a solution and surprisingly everyone agrees with it.  Initially Darcy questions his sanity but after his explanation everyone agrees.  Sam thinks it’s a good idea and Clint and Natasha are on board because they think it’s funny.  Being a spysassin you take your laughs where you can get them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Padagedon

**Author's Note:**

> There may be errors. I'll fix them if you notice them :)

Living in Avengers Tower had its ups and downs.  Some days there were cookies, other days Hulk ate them all.  Sure, he shared, but Hulk’s idea of sharing was leaving _one_ cookie for two super soldiers, one regular ex soldier, one genius (millionaire, ~~playboy~~ , philanthropist), two spysassins, an alien (that had been a fun conversation to have. “ _YES_ , Thor! You’re an alien!” “But I am a prince of Asgard!” “Yes, but here in _America_ , you’re an alien. _Twice_. Space _AND_ foreign. You’re a double alien.”), three somewhat normal women (Darcy, Jane, and Pepper), and any various other assortment of people around at the time. 

Darcy didn’t mind it though- if Hulk ate all the cookies she’d just bake more.

She also didn’t mind the days they had to run away from exploding toasters (really, don’t ask), large water snake monsters (didn’t know Thor had a pet, did you?), or even the killer Magic: The Gathering card characters that insane player/sorcerer had somehow brought to life (the next time Darcy had seen a kid playing Magic: The Gathering Steve had needed to physically throw her over his shoulder to keep her from slapping the cards from the kid’s grubby little hands).

Darcy could go on all day about the things she put up with (all in the name of science and free rent- it was really for the free rent, but she didn’t want to leave Jane out), but it was usually done with a side of humor.  And even if she ever _did_ actually complain about something there were usually things that happened that made it all worth it.  The time Tony hatched a scheme to get Steve more comfortable with technology was one of them.

*

Darcy and Jane had been in the living room with Sam playing video games (Mario Cart equals love) when Tony had come in with a large cardboard box. 

Setting the box down, Tony had cleared his throat to get their attention.  Knowing he wouldn’t leave them to finish their race in peace until they gave it to him, Sam paused the game and they all looked at Tony expectantly.

“I have an idea.”

Darcy rolled her eyes.  “Tony, the last time someone said that to me was yesterday. I had to use the fire extinguisher yesterday.  Am I going to have to use the fire extinguisher today?”

Tony made a face of mock disgust. “That was _Thor_! Besides, I don’t need you to extinguish me.  That’s what I have DUM-E for.”

Darcy smirked.  “I’m so telling him you said that.”

Tony gasped at her.  “Don’t you _DARE_! I only just got him to stop following me around with the damned thing!  Do you know what it feels like to be covered in fire extinguisher, Lewis? It’s not fun!  It’s like being covered in whipped cream, only without the fun happy time afterward!  Which makes it _not fun_!”

Sam was smiling.  It seemed like his face was just a perpetual picture of good mood. “So what’s in the box, Tony? Is it your idea?”

Jane and Darcy both immediately leaned back from the box at that thought. 

Tony rolled his eyes at them. “No, it’s not alive, explosive, or even sentient.  Though they totally could be…”

Darcy shot out of her seat.  “Oh no you don’t!”  Seeing that far away slightly mad-scientist look enter his eyes she snapped in Tony’s face.  She was NOT going to run from whatever it was that he made sentient after it got pissed at them for who knows what.  “You! Box!  Open!”

Tony blinked a few times before focusing cross eyed on the fingers snapping in front of his nose.  “Oh!  Right! Idea!”  Opening the box he started pulling out Stark brand electronic tablets.  Lots of them. Tony pulled them out by the stacks. When tony didn’t _stop_ pulling them out, Darcy briefly wondered if he had somehow rigged the box with some freaky backwards black hole science (another black hole was the _last_ thing they needed). 

Jane frowned slightly as she peaked into the box to see yet more tablets.  Darcy wondered if Jane was having similar thoughts.  “Why do you have so many tablets, Tony?”

“They’re for Cap.”

Sam furrowed his brow.  “Steve’s already got a tablet- you gave it to him, remember?”

“Yes, but does he ever _use_ it?” Tony stopped pulling out Tablets and waited with his arms crossed for an answer.

The other three stopped to think for a minute. None of them could actually say that they’d ever _seen_ Steve use a tablet at all.

Tony nodded at their blank faces. “Exactly. 

“Okay,” Darcy was still not seeing what Tony was getting at.  “But why so many, Iron bro? I mean, he doesn’t use the one he has as it is.”

Tony grinned.  “Lewis, I am so glad you asked.  I want to litter the tower with these.  This box is just for the common areas.  I wanna put ‘em on the table, on the shelves, on the counters- hell, even stick them in the fridge, pantry, and between the couch cushions!”

Darcy stared at Tony.  “You want to _what_?” That had to be the weirdest idea Tony had had all month (and he’d had some doozies).

Tony waved his arms in front of himself. “No no, wait.  Hear me out!  When Steve crashed radios were still used in every household and phones didn’t come outside of the house.  When he woke up, computers fit in your pocket and well, _Jarvis_. Waking up felt like just that- _waking up_. He literally closed his eyes in one world and woke up in another one.  Everything is still so new and fresh to him that I think it’s overwhelming and he’s too skittish to just jump in.  He hasn’t touched his Stark pad and only lifts his phone when someone initiates conversation on it first.  The fact that he even responds at all is probably only because he’s too polite to _not_ respond. I figure the reason why he doesn’t embrace the technology is because it’s unfamiliar.  But if we spread _these_ ,” he emphasized with a wave of one of the tablets, “all around the tower, then maybe he’ll start to get comfortable enough to _use_ them.”

“That’s actually not a bad idea.” Sam was nodding his head, an approving look on his face.  “Sometimes it helps to make the foreign familiar before it’s tried. In Steve’s case, that might mean bombarding him with it until he’s so used to seeing it that he doesn’t think about it as being out of place any longer.”

Tony nodded.  “ _Right_.  But I figure instead of piling these all around him all at once, since that would be overwhelming and defeat the purpose, we place a few here and there and then every day up the number.”

Jane paused and thought about it. “Ease him in until he’s physically used to them.  I’m actually seeing the wisdom in this, Tony.  How surprising.”

“Give yourself more credit, Foster. It’s not that surprising that you’re seeing things my way- you’re a smart woman.” 

Jane rolled her eyes at him.  Before she could retort, an air vent in the ceiling swung open and Clint dropped in.  “How many did you get, Stark?” He asked, as he picked one up and started fiddling with it.

No one was fazed.  People used hallways and doors. Hulk used walls. Cats used the backs of couches and tops of walls.  Clint used air vents.  And Tony didn’t seem to mind that Clint always seemed to be in the ventilation system. Since Clint had moved in the dust build up had significantly decreased thanks to his constant use of the metal labyrinth in the ceilings.  Unaffected by the man’s entrance, Tony put his hands in his pockets and tried to look casual- a gesture Darcy had come to realize meant he was about to admit to doing something slightly outrageous.  “Just 800.”

Darcy’s jaw dropped. She looked down at the tablet in her hands and contemplated where 800 of them would all fit.  They’d be tripping over them before the month was out. When she looked back up at Tony Natasha was next to him.  When had she come in? _How_ had she come in?  Darcy seriously wondered sometimes if the woman traveled through shadows. Like seriously just walked into a shadow and reappeared out of another one wherever she wanted. Maybe one day Natasha would tell Darcy her secrets.  Natasha reached past Tony and picked up a tablet from the box. 

Tony jumped back in surprise. “ _Jesus_!” Clutching his chest.  

Natasha didn’t even blink.  “No, Natasha.”

Tony rolled his eyes at the woman. “Anyway, I’ve got a box for every room that Steve might walk into.  I need your help to put them everywhere.  Bruce is already putting them in his lab.  There’s a box waiting in your lab, Foster.  You and Lewis can put them where you want- just make sure they’re visible and increase on a regular basis- put out more every time after Steve leaves. There’s also boxes in each of your apartments.”

Jane nodded. 

“Sam I need your help getting them into Steve’s apartment. There are two boxes in yours- one for each. You’ll have to sneak them into his room more slowly since that’s his private space and too many at once might freak him out.”

Sam nodded in full agreement with Tony. He’d actually planned on doing that anyway.

Clint grinned.  “We’re in too, Tony,” he said, nodding at Natasha. 

“Good, I was hoping you’d say that. I need you two to cover the gyms, locker rooms, ranges, and armory.  There are boxes in each.”

Sam frowned.  “Are you sure you want them in the _gym_? Steve tends to go pretty hard on the equipment.” 

“I remember.  I’ve had to replace things more than once.  And the cleaning staff is tired of finding sand from the punching bags everywhere.  But these are special- I’ve fortified them myself.  The casing on these is the same stuff Stark Industries used to make body armor out of. Not only are they waterproof and capable of taking a beating, but this sucker will stop a knife!”

Darcy snorted.  “I always figured you’d want to be Batman more than Lucius Fox, Tony.”

Tony gave her a confused look. “Why would I want to be Batman when I can be Iron Man?”  He pointed at Darcy. “ _Always_ be Iron Man.” Turning back to Sam he continued, “But seriously, I doubt Steve will be able to hurt these-”

Natasha threw one down onto the cement kitchen floors. _Hard_.  Everyone jumped but Clint who just chuckled and said, “You gotta warn them before you do stuff like that, Nat.” 

Tony looked mortified that she’d abuse technology like that.  _Especially_ _precious, precious Stark tech_.  “Hey! I paid for that!”

Darcy laughed. “ _Ha_! _iPaid_!”

She and Sam started giggling while Tony glared at her. _“Ugh,_ bad joke, Lewis. Someone get the holy water- this room is going to need to be cleansed now.”

Natasha ignored them.  She’d picked the tablet up and was examining it, nodding at it with a slightly impressed eye.  The tablet appeared to be completely unharmed.

Jane looked at her.  “Does it still work?”

Natasha pressed the button at the top of the tablet and watched as the screen glowed up at her.  Looking back to Jane she nodded. 

“Of course it still works,” Tony huffed with no small amount of pride.  “I made them. This design isn’t even out on the market yet.  I’ve preloaded them with every app that Cap might need to help him adjust- both familiar and unfamiliar. There’s history apps, encyclopedias, art apps, trivia apps, dictionaries- _hell_ , the Internet homepage is _Urban Dictionary_.”

“Alright Tony,” Darcy said nodding. “I admit it- I’m impressed. You really thought this through.”

“Thank you. Now, let’s get to work! We need to spread these around before Steve gets back from Coney Island with Bucky.  You’ve all got your assigned locations.  I’ve got the common rooms and my workshop. _Chop chop_ people.” 

“Does James know about this too?” Natasha asked.

Tony shook his head as he started strategically placing a few Stark tablets in the room. “No, but I doubt they’ll bother him. He’s had a bit more exposure to tech than Steve has.” He kicked a few under the sofa for good measure. “Can’t hurt though, right?”

Satisfied, everyone nodded in agreement and got up to spread the tablets around. 

*

When Steve and Bucky got back to the tower that night no one said anything about all the tablets.  Bucky didn’t seem to mind them.  He’d just push them aside when they were in his way, assuming it was one of Stark’s eccentricities.  That, or Jarvis had somehow figured out a way to have kids.  Lots and lots of non-sentient rectangular kids. Steve on the other hand, was a different creature.  Initially Steve had looked a little bewildered when they started to multiply seemingly on their own, avoiding them at all costs.  At first Steve wouldn’t touch them at all- not even to move one if it was in his way. Tony tried to get him to touch one by placing it on the only available chair in the common room one evening. Steve had actually sat on the floor. Knowing this would take time; they’d all resigned themselves to the long haul.  They were definitely starting to trip over tablets by the time they started seeing some major improvement. Darcy, Clint, and Sam had actually been planning to build forts out of them when change finally came.

After a while Steve got used to touching them. Darcy would use them to answer his questions about pop culture and eventually they noticed that he started reaching for them himself when he had a question.  They were still waiting a few more weeks before they started decreasing the tablets and putting them back in the boxes.  By the end, there were still tablets scattered all over the upper levels of the tower but they were so common place that no one noticed them.

One evening Tony was sitting in the common room packing up the last of the excess tablets when Steve walked in holding the original one that Tony had given him (he could tell it because he’d painted a likeness of Steve’s shield on the back).  Pretending he hadn’t been boxing the Stark pads (and thus revealing that he was behind what he was now calling Padagedon) Tony tried to act natural (and failed). 

Steve went to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water before heading back to the door.  Tony waited for him to leave before reaching for the tablets again.

“Hey, Tony?” 

Tony hesitated and pretended he’d been reaching for the TV remote.  “Yeah, Cap?”

Steve looked at him for a moment from the doorway. “Thanks.” He said, raising the tablet in his hand before turning and leaving.

Tony smiled.  “Your welcome,” he said before turning back to the tablets.

Yeah, some days the tower was a pretty good place to be.

**Author's Note:**

> The line Tony says about the tablets being able to stop a knife is a line that Lucius Fox in the Nolan Batman movies says when talking to Bruce about body armor. I like to think of Darcy and Tony being movie buffs so she knows exactly who he’s quoting.
> 
> There’s that joke on the internet- always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman. Always be Batman. So Tony turns it around for Iron Man instead.
> 
> Darcy’s joke: ‘I paid’ is what Tony says. Stark Industries would probably be Apple’s competitors. So he probably doesn’t like them- most of the fandom thinks Tony is forever offering Darcy an upgrade on her iPod to a Stark player but she likes her iPod. Like, a lot. Jarvis would be jealous if he didn’t already know that the iPod wasn’t sentient. Anyway, Apple, Stark Industries- rivals. So Darcy jokes it’s an iPaid, as a play off of iPad. Ha, ha, get it? If you’re not laughing and are instead rolling your eyes at me, just remember: Sam thought it was funny and Sam is awesome. So why are you not agreeing with awesome?


End file.
